You know, I'd be the last to claim that I have any certainty about what happens after death, but I confess a certain sympathy to the idea of reincarnation (and remember, even the Christian church believed in reincarnation before the Council of Nicea), and most takes on reincarnation include some kind of "karma" or progression/regression between lives based on your performance.
So... if you buy that... the last three months leave me with one burning question: what the HECK did I DO in a past life to deserve the, pardon my Latin, utter shitstorm of the last three months?
I get back from APAC, excited about getting my audiobook career going, feeling good about my continued recovery from fatigue etc., and my older dog starts dying. We save him, after many hospital visits and running up serious credit bills, and my son manages to basically get himself kicked out of the home he's been living in, and potentially in much more serious trouble. And now, my day job, the financial engine which has thus far made it possible for me to get set up and moving on this second career, has gone away. The company I work for has... what's the word? "Restructured", and by whatever set of opaque criteria they claim to have used, has decided that my services are no longer required.
You want stress? Yeah, I got stress. So much awesome, especially given that stress is my most reliable migraine trigger.
Right now, and pretty much every day of the last three months, I'm just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I feel like the stereotype of a shark: if I stop moving, I'll sink, and smother alone on the ocean floor.
Oh, and happy effing birthday to me. What a way to begin my 46th year on this planet. Thanks to everyone who has wished me a happy one. I really do appreciate it.
Yeah, I'll live. If raising an autistic and at times violent son didn't kill me, this won't either. This is just one of those days when it's hard to even imagine where I'm going to be next week, let alone next month or next year.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch Fred. I feel your pain, and have several similar kind of issues going on the last couple of years with a difficult son and a family slowly falling apart. Know that you're not alone and it will be your relationships with others that will bring you through.
ReplyDeleteI know it's ridiculously tough, but I do believe in a loving God who has a plan for our lives. Much of the time the plan doesn't make sense to us. It's hard to imagine that what we're going through is what God has planned for us and I'm angry at Him much of the time lately, but we only know the present and he knows the future. I just have to hold onto the idea that it's all for a reason, for personal growth or some future benefit. I'm a very logical person and believing something that doesn't make sense to me is the hardest thing in the world. But I have to, otherwise what's it all for?
Keep your head up, and keep others close around you. Keep reading and narrating. It's amazing how many stories I've heard of narrators careers being jump started by being "restructured." Clearly, I don't have all the answers and don't have my life all sorted out the way I want either, but myself and others are here to talk if you want. I'll be praying for you Fred. - Tim
Fred,
ReplyDeleteThis message comes from audiobook narrator Paul Heitsch:
I have so been there and done that. Or, more accurately, am there, and doing it. I don't know Fred, and can't get this message to him directly, but...
As you move forward from whatever setbacks you've suffered, the most important thing is to keep your head up. It sounds like a platitude, but staying positive will make or break your effort to recover from any setback, or cascade of setbacks.
This doesn't mean don't ask for help. It means believe for a fact that help is there, and that it's completely OK to ask for it.